Needless to say, our whole family, rather than just our sons, has done lots of growing in the last year, especially since the boys left for college last fall. I am having to learn to interfere less than I'm used to, to let the two of them find solutions themselves to the rough patches they encounter, even (or maybe especially) the ones they themselves create.
Our young man who is at school in Missouri is having a harder time adjusting than the one in Arkansas. As I stated in an earlier post, the two institutions our sons attend are very different, one state-run and one private. Maybe that's the cause of the difference in their experiences but probably not. Both sons got off to a good start or an okay start in the case of Missouri. After some difficulty making friends (because of being in an upperclassmen's residence hall), our Missouri son got up the nerve to run for SGA president. He didn't win, but he signed up as a rep at large and has been very excited about that. He also called up a coach of a local high school and volunteered to assist the wrestling team. I probably wouldn't have advised him to take on two extra-curriculars, but I've stayed silent on the matter. Academically, he didn't this fall earn the kind of grades we know he is capable of. He hasn't improved, that is, upon the same C+ average he had all throughout high school. I have never gotten on him about that, hoping that self-motivation will eventually kick in.
Our Arkansas student is having, it seems, the time of his life. He too has quickly become very active on campus. He in fact participates in a group that welcomes guests to campus, and last semester he got to serve as emcee for an important lecture. Of course, we were very proud of him for this. He has also become a part of something called The Black Male Initiative. I'm not sure exactly what all is involved, but he must be getting some good mentoring, for I can see in him a major growth in confidence. Despite of being active on campus, he managed to earn all As. He phoned at midnight to tell me that!
I am compelled to try to get our Missouri guy to transfer to Arkansas. His doing so would make life easier for all concerned, at least for everyone but the two of them. (We're allowing them for the time being to have their independence.) But, I'm resisting my instinct. Even if our Missouri student graduates with a C average, I trust he will land on his feet, and, more importantly, that he will have learned how to make the best out of life even when one is not in a perfect situation. In fact, there are no perfect situations.
As for me, well, I'm enjoying watching the two of them become full-fledged men, and, completely beside the point, I have enjoyed sightseeing in their new towns. I've included here some pics of the Missouri campus and will include others of the Arkansas campus in a separate post.
An unanticipated perk of sending one's kids away from home is the travel.
